Letting go
A few years ago, Marie Kondo became popular due to her book (and follow up TV series) Spark Joy. It was about decluttering - taking the things from life that spark joy, embracing them and holding a place for them, and letting go of those things that no longer serve us. One of the most interesting things I took from Marie Kondo was the guilt around letting go of things of sentimental value. How often she observed people holding onto things that served no purpose, held no value, and oftentimes weren’t loved, simply because they were gifted by a loved one and to pass them over was thought to demonstrate ingratitude. Kondo’s lesson was to hold the item, thank it for what it represented, and then send it off with love and respect for the person from whom it came. Not being attached to material items, and creating more space in our lives by letting go of burdens we hold onto is a healthy practice, and one we can use on and off the yoga mat.
Aparigraha, or non-attachment, is the fifth and final of Patanjali’s Yamas. I wrote in a previous blog about what the Yamas and Niyamas were: ethical guidelines to help us to live a full and meaningful life. We have in the past four blogs explored the previous Yamas - Ahimsa compassion, or non-violence; Satya, truthfulness; Asteya, non-stealing and Brahmacharya, non-excess. With the fifth and final Yama, a prompt for us for how we approach the world around us, we look in depth at the concept of non-attachment.
When we hold onto things, we need to consider the impact this is having on our mental and our physical health.
When we hold onto things, we need to consider the impact this is having on our mental and our physical health. We can hold onto negative things, such as grudges, bad memories, unhealthy habits, but we can equally cling too hard to positive things that are no longer in the present moment; the perception of a golden time gone by, the love of something that is out of reach, a view of how we used to be. Positive can become negative if we continue to hold onto it long past its point of impact in our lives. This links back to Marie Kondo’s message on holding onto things for sentimentality’s sake. It may feel as if we are honouring those who gifted us the item, but if it is no longer useful and serving a purpose, why are we still holding onto it?
On a practical note I found myself using an approach of Aparigraha when I moved to New Zealand last year. Faced with choices triggered by moving my life overseas, I had to step back and decide what was important to me to take with me, and what I could leave behind. This decision was not just in the physical field of items to ship and take across with me and items to leave behind (is there a better feeling than dropping off a bag of goodies to a charity shop and saying goodbye to the clutter?). It also was something that made me stop and reflect on my identity, habits and hobbies. In New Zealand I would be living a more outdoor life, living by the sea and not as city bound as I had been in London. I needed to look at my career and how that would translate overseas, and what I would need to build in order to work and live successfully in another country. Whilst taking the leap to move overseas was a huge transition, and one that carried certain levels of anxiety and risk with it, there was something freeing in having that moment, that deadline, of change and shift, to invite me to reflect on what I could leave behind to move with lightness into my new life. It also brought into sharp focus the things that sparked joy for me and were worth my continuing investment, most notably the relationships with loved ones that needed to be maintained from half a world away.
Whilst taking the leap to move overseas was a huge transition, and one that carried certain levels of anxiety and risk with it, there was something freeing in having that moment, that deadline, of change and shift, to invite me to reflect on what I could leave behind to move with lightness into my new life.
We don’t all need such a seismic life event to start to challenge ourselves to let go of our burdens. There may be moments in life that invite this, such as moving house, changing careers or starting something new; a new relationship, a new family. But the option is always there for us to reflect on what we are carrying and whether the load needs lightening. Ask yourself what the benefits of being unburdened would look like in your life - letting go of preconceptions, letting go of negative-enforcing habits, letting go of guilt, letting go of shame. Visualise a world in which you are without these things, take a view on what it would look like to live in the present moment, be more attentive to what is important in your life in the moment, and perhaps work back and test what you can release to move you towards that life.
How does Aparigraha show up in my yoga practice?
It’s really important to honour the roots of yoga - it’s one of the reasons I started my blogs exploring the philosophical side of yoga - and remember that asana (the physical practice) is just a small part of our yoga practice. We can’t get attached to yoga as a workout or just a physical practice and impose our expectations of what it may do or create in our bodies as the sole outcome of a yoga practice.
I experience and guide Aparigraha the most when in stillness and focusing on the breath and mind. Using the breath to let go of anything we’re holding onto, anything that no longer serves us means pranayama becomes the Marie Kondo of our practice. Pairing this with meditation can help us, when the body is still, to allow the mind to enquire as to what we’re holding onto and, importantly, why. This can be anything, from a grudge, to an image of ourselves, to the need to perfect a physical pose, to something in our ego that we are clinging to. Meditation allows the mind to separate this out, and the breath can move this out of the mind, and then out of the body. A technique I love is to identify where in the body I’m feeling the burden of what I’m holding onto. Perhaps a tightness in the shoulders, or a clenching in my jaw. Bringing the thought out of my mind stops my mind spiralling, and when I can hold it in my body and make it physcial, it’s easier to address. I can locate it, identify its size and shape. I can send the breath to it, encircle it with the breath, invite it to start to leave the body in fragments on my exhale. Soften the body, surrender, and release. Try it for yourself if there’s something you’re holding onto that you’d like to let go of - this visualisation can really help with unburdening yourself.
Using the breath to let go of anything we’re holding onto, anything that no longer serves us means pranayama becomes the Marie Kondo of our practice.
When you are in a physical yoga practice, all the work you’ve done in the mind space to detach and let go really comes into its own. Question why you are doing the poses you’re doing and let go of your expectations on how they should look, or how advanced your practice should be, to instead invite reflection; how it feels in the body today, and what may be influencing that. One of my favourite yoga quotes is an oldie but a goodie - ‘we don’t use the body to get into the yoga pose, we use the yoga pose to get into the body’. The perfect description of Aparigraha in action.
This month I’m reading… ‘Memories, Dreams, Reflections’ by Carl Jung. Jung is a fascinating philosopher and much of his work aligns with Eastern philosophy and chakra theory.
This month I’m recommending… my yoga mentor recommended this TED talk by Dr Lucy Hone on resilience and so I’m paying it forward and recommending this here.
