Time for change
It’s that time of year again when change is in the air. The start of a new year encourages reflection and retrospection and many of us launch a new set of goals, resolutions or intentions for the coming year. For a number of years now I have been setting up a bullet journal ready for the start of a new year. I find it to be an incredibly useful tool to set out what I am hoping to achieve in the coming year and habits or behaviours I need to change to live my life slightly differently - in my mind in an improved way.
At the start of a new year I have an appetite for checking through my achievements and failures to ask myself what I really want for the coming year. It’s a beautiful time of vulnerability and openness that if I adopted year long would be impressive! But digging deep and evaluating who we are at our core and who we might want to be can be challenging undertakings. It’s something that I am getting better at and yoga, and in particular the meditation elements of my practice are helping me to hold this mirror up and take a true look at what needs to change. Having an honest and vulnerable conversation with ourselves can be difficult enough - to share this wider and be open and vulnerable with our communities about changes we are making is incredibly brave. I know I am quick to anger and yet bad at dealing with conflict. I know I can take a very black and white view of the world and be a little bit ‘all or nothing’ in my attitude. These are traits I need to recognise and address or they will become embedded parts of the way I present myself to the world and can create boundaries between me and people I have in my life.
When we assess our sense of ourselves, our ego, we are interacting with the third chakra - our manipura chakra, or solar plexus chakra. This chakra is associated with the element of fire and for me and my tendency to anger, this is something I resonate with. I wear a bracelet with a citrine stone on it, which is a crystal associated with the manipura chakra. It is a constant reminder to pull me back when my first response wants to be anger. It doesn’t stop me feeling angry, but it can help me reflect as to how to deal with the anger I feel to make sure I manage it constructively rather than emotionally.
Looking inside and challenging who we are and what we may wish to do differently can be a fragile process. I know it is something that can often feel quite uncomfortable when I have to face up to hard truths about my traits and behaviours and I have to approach it cautiously. If we are fanning a flame, appreciating its glow and warmth is one end of the spectrum, an explosive fire is at the other end! If we don’t approach change sensitively it can be a volatile experience that puts us off sharing and changing and instead sends us inwards to ourselves, stroking our bruised egos. Because it is difficult admitting we were wrong, got it wrong, behaved poorly, didn’t apply ourselves in the right way.
My yoga teacher training was one of the most introspective journeys I have ever been on. In my 200 hours training when I first delved into yogic philosophies, the yamas and niyamas and the chakras, so much of the theory made sense but so much of the work digging deep and understanding what it meant for me was hard and emotional. In our group there were a number of occasions when various of us were in tears, or struggling; not from negativity but from the very process of deep, fundamental growth and change. Change is hard. It’s fiery, it is volatile, and when we need to change our behaviours we need to have a very real conversation with ourselves about our egos: who we are, who our sense of self is, and challenging and changing that can be a tough conversation.
This year my goals are a little different to other years. I have recognised behaviours in the past year that haven’t been helpful. I used a lot of escapism in 2021 to deal with some personal health issues and allowed myself excuses for things that were time wasting and not constructive. It felt like a lazy and slovenly way of coping; passive rather than proactive. This year I am looking to accelerate real growth in my mind, body and soul, both looking in and looking out to the relationships and outcomes around me that really count. I’m also stating my goals as intentions, or affirmations, - using first person ‘I’ statements to already assign the desired behaviour to myself and make it part of my identity rather than an abstract habit. For instance, instead of last year’s goal of reading a certain number of books this year my affirmation is ‘I am a prolific reader’. The intentions I have made for 2022 are below - let me know what you think and if you can help to hold me to account on these!
Body - I invest in my health with regular active movement
Mind - I am a prolific reader. I read for growth not distraction.
Soul - I connect intentionally with friends and family.
Spirit - I meditate regularly to keep a balanced perspective on life.
Happy 2022 - I hope you all have an exciting year of growth and change.
This month I’m reading... Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown - a deep dive into our emotions and experiences.
This month I’m listening to… Tina Turner on repeat after seeing the amazing Tina the Musical in London
