Breaking Bad (habits)
Last year, in a period of listlessness, I got into the bad habit of playing a game on my phone. At first it was just a distraction, then it became something I was doing just for the sake of it. But eventually it became a thief. It stole my time. It stole my energy. It was a sucking abyss for my creativity. And I gained nothing from it. I was doing it out of sheer boredom because I was feeling unmotivated in my day to day. Guilty pleasures are one thing; a way to unwind, something that gives us a break from our day. But bad habits that take our time and energy are another.
“When we consider stealing, we are not just talking about material goods, we are thinking about what we steal from ourselves and from others when we are not mindful of our actions and their consequences.”
In yoga, the third of Patanjali’s yamas - a set of ethical codes - is Asteya, which translates to non-stealing. When we consider stealing, we are not just talking about material goods, we are thinking about what we steal from ourselves and from others when we are not mindful of our actions and their consequences. Taking something from someone else that puts them at a disadvantage comes in many forms and it’s an easy thing to fall into. Who hasn’t glibly jumped on a point someone was making to engage in a little one upmanship, or excitedly tried to get a point across and interrupted someone else in the process.
Taking something from ourselves may be harder to identify. The lines between need and want can easily be blurred. We need some pleasures in life that are just pleasures, without feeling the need to live the life of an ascetic. Where we can find balance, this is the true sweet spot. So what does it look like when our habits tip us over into the space where we are stealing from ourselves? Sometimes an outsider’s observation shows us behaviours or habits we may have adopted that are harming us, no matter how subtle this harm is - a quiet word from a friend perhaps - and sometimes all it takes is an honest conversation with ourselves. Here’s some clues that our habits are slipping into the unhealthy end of the spectrum:
The habit interrupts things that had previously given us joy
We do the action out of boredom rather than motivation
The action is something we tell ourselves we need rather than want, and it feels we have removed choice from the equation
“If we feel drained or demotivated by something, it may well be that we need to review it and work out whether we have fallen into doing something for the sake of it.”
Can we coach ourselves out of a habit that we feel is stealing from us? An easy question to ask ourselves to gauge how healthy a habit or behaviour is, is to quite simply ask how we feel. If we feel happy and fulfilled by something, it will be a good habit, or a necessary pleasure - something that brings us joy or brings us growth, and has a place in our daily lives. If we feel drained or demotivated by something, it may well be that we need to review it and work out whether we have fallen into doing something for the sake of it. Especially if that habit takes our precious time away from our purpose or our growth. The same questioning can help us assess if we are displaying ‘stealing’ behaviours to those around us. If we take a moment to reflect on our interactions and are honest with ourselves, we can see when we have interrupted someone, or not listened properly to them, or tried to compete with them in conversation; taking something away from them in the process.
How does Asteya show up on the mat?
They say comparison is the thief of joy and this is certainly true when we allow it to creep into our physical practice. When we come to the mat in a group setting we need to acknowledge that everyone in the class has been on a different path to us up until this moment. Some will have a long established practice, others will be beginners. Some will have natural flexibility in their bodies or even hypermobility, others will have other activities in their lifestyles that have helped to shape their bodies. I find that I can never get my heels down in downward facing dog after years of being a runner. Does it mean I have a less effective practice than someone whose heels meet the mat? Absolutely not! But if I allow that notion into my mind in my practice that’s where it becomes real. And that means I am stealing from myself and my practice. All that should count in a yoga practice is how I show up on the mat and how the practice feels for me; body, mind and soul.
How do we remedy this sense of stealing from ourselves?
There’s a very simple remedy to help us keep true to the principle of Asteya, and that is simply to give; openly and without the need for reciprocity. It may be to give our time to someone, it may be to give our ears and listen properly to what they’re saying, rather than second guessing them, interrupting, or injecting our own version of that experience into their narrative.
In our practice we may remedy our need to compare by giving ourselves a focus in our mind to keep us true to our own practice. Setting an intention at the beginning of your physical practice can be a helpful way to keep your mind on track. It might be a phrase such as ‘I am exactly where I need to be’ that restates contentment with our own journey.
In terms of the remedy to stop stealing from ourselves beyond the mat, the remedy here is still giving, and it’s giving ourselves many things. We need to give ourselves:
Credit that our time is worthy of the pursuits we wish to use it for
Habits that help us to prosper and grow
Tools that allow us to reflect on why we’re doing what we’re doing, such as mood or habit trackers
A good question to bring yourself back to your purpose if you feel you’re slipping into bad habits is “what could I achieve with this time instead?” It was certainly a helpful question for me to pull me away from the habit of wasting time away on a game. When I thought about what I could be doing with my time instead, the thing I always told myself I would do more of but didn’t have the time for was writing. So I set myself a writing challenge for 2023, a word count challenge to help inspire me to use my time to create through words instead. For me, as a visual learner, setting up a word count in my journal to track how I was doing has helped keep me on track to spend more time writing.
What habits do you think are ‘stealing’ from you and your purpose? What could you replace them with? How would it feel if that time spent on productive habits generated something more aligned with your purpose? Maybe it’s time to find out…
If you’re interested in Mindfulness Mentoring to help keep you on track with habits to support your wellbeing, Flow with Fi yoga and wellbeing can help. Get in touch using the contact us button.
This month I’m reading…not just reading but completely immersed in American Dirt by Jeanine Cummings. It’s entered my thoughts both waking and sleeping and weaves itself into my dreams. I feel agitated and nervous when I’m reading it - I can’t remember the last time a novel captured me in this way.
This month I’m listening to…some old videos of Leslie Kaminoff talking about yoga anatomy. I went to a really interesting talk on yoga and anatomy by Dr Felicity Molloy and it’s reignited my curiosity about the body. This video by Leslie on breathing is one I remember from my teacher training days vividly!!
